Saturday, September 19, 2015

What I've been doing plus more great things to listen to/watch

OK, after weeks of super intense work and months of part-time focus, the online Mom Conference that Power of Moms is co-hosting this year is now open for registration (it'll be held Oct 13, 14, 15). I'm so so so excited about this online event that will give moms around the world the chance to participate in top-notch training by some great authors and speakers without having to get a babysitter or leave their homes. And thanks to some great sponsors, we're able to offer this conference for FREE.

Click below to learn more (and see a video of me and my kids with my Mom Conference partner Desi and her sweet kids):
Mom Conference 2015 

Another thing I've been working on is updating the Family Systems eCourse I've been working on for years. We launched it last spring to a group of 200 families as sort of our "beta testers." It was really well received by this initial group and they gave some valuable feedback which we've now incorporated into our now more full Family Systems eCourse. To celebrate this more full and finished version of the course, we've got a special $50 off this week only. So click on the link below the picture to check out the eCourse and if it seems like the right thing for you, use promo code "save50" and you'll get it for the best deal we'll ever be able to offer.

And of course, I'm always working on our own family - updating our routines and family systems for the new school year, working on my relationship with Jared and trying to protect some time for the two of us, talking to kids about what they're doing and how they feel about things, getting kids where they need to be - scouts, mountain bike practices and races, cross country practices and races, football practices and games (but Ashton takes care of most of that on his own, thankfully - see more below on that). Plus Isaac just decided he simply must join the swim team at Ogden High. Trying to figure out if we can make that happen on top of everything else. Really want the kids to be able to pursue the things that they feel excited about but wow, they're all interested in pursuing a lot of things! Other than the twins. Oliver and Silas just want to play with the neighborhood kids, build forts, climb trees, have nerf wars and jump on the trampoline plus go to scouts once a week. And I'm so glad they're so happy with this simple stuff for now.

Here's a glimpse inside my brain through what I found to be super interesting the past couple of weeks:

Ted Talk: 
The Story we Tell about Poverty Isn't True

I was drawn to this title as we live in an area where there are a great number of people living below the poverty line and as Jared (as the bishop of our ward) works to help a lot of people who are really struggling financially. I loved hearing her stories of people who are figuring out how to make ends meet and helping others along the way.


I've been really into RadioLab lately. This episode was especially interesting to me:

Ashton decided he wanted to play football this year. While Jared was a great football player back in the day, we've never really pushed football with our kids - it's really not my favorite game and there really weren't any great football programs for younger kids in the places we've lived. Ashton played touch football one season but didn't seem to care about it that much. But then quite suddenly, he declared he was going to play football for Ogden High. He found out about tryouts. He borrowed cleats from a friend. He got himself to the school for practice on his bike. He walked all over the place selling football cards (cards that give lots of discounts on local restaurants) until he'd raised the full $400 he was asked to raise to support the team. He figured out and did everything completely himself. We'd have been happy to help and support him but he just jumped right in there and did everything himself.

So I've decided it's time that I learn about football. We've been to the games (where Ashton supports from the sidelines - he's hoping to actually get in the game at some point!). I'm finally learning about how football works. I've asked Jared a lot of questions and pulled out my phone to look up answers to questions while watching the game (so that poor Jared could watch in peace for a while).  And you know what, football still isn't my favorite game. I don't like violence. Not one bit. I don't like seeing kids encouraged to run into each other. It just seems to go against everything most every parent is trying to teach their kids. But I really like the work ethic that football is giving Ashton and it's so great to see him just really go after something and take initiative.

Anyway, this episode from Radio Lab was so interesting and helpful to me - it offered details about football's history and helped me understand more about why football is so important to so many people, while examining how dangerous it is and what the future of football might be.

And I recorded these three podcasts for Power of Moms in the past little while and they've been really well received:

Setting your Family up for Success

Reflections of a Failed Tiger Mother

Protecting Kids from the Me Me Me Epidemic

This podcast by my Power of Moms partner, April, and "Hands Free Mama" really made me think. Oh how much I want to be more present in my own life! I learned some important principles that are helping me. There's so much more I need to figure out though. I know a big part of the answer is to do less. But I felt strongly that I needed to help spearhead this Mom Conference so I've got to see it thorugh! Then I can slow down on my work hours more and apply the principles Rachel teaches more fully...

Hands Free Life with Rachel Macy Stafford

Friday, August 28, 2015

What I've Been Listening To/Watching/Thinking

As well as recording what we did and what we looked like and how I felt about things, I want record some of the things that interested me, what made me think, what I listened to and watched that fed my thoughts.

So here are a few things I've found to be really interesting and that I've discussed with Jared and other friends lately:

Alaa Murabit: What My Religion Really Says About Women - I've always wanted to understand more about Islam and about what Muslim women think about their religion - this was very insightful - great to see a faithful woman explain how her devotion to her faith can be compatible with her belief that women and men are equal and that women's voices need to be heard in religion.

Brene Brown: On Vulnerability - The one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection; we can't treat others with real compassion if we don't show compassion to ourselves; people who are really good at connecting with others are generally people who can see that what makes them vulnerable also makes them beautiful. When we numb our worries and fears, we also numb joy and excitement and other positive emotions. Tips to enbrace vulnerability and find more connection: let yourself be seen - really seen, love with your whole heart (even though there's no guarantee), practice gratitude and joy (realize that even in the worst of times, there is so much to be grateful for and the more we focus there, the better we feel), embrace "I am enough."

I recently discovered the NPR podcast, Invisibilia (thanks to my sister Saydi). I love it! So much great food for thought. I've listened to all the episodes I could find during my runs over the past month or so. My brain really got whiring as I listened to each of the episodes linked below and I loved discussing a few of them with a friend on my hike on Wednesday - nothing like a good invigorating discussiong during a slightly-rainy, very sweaty, super-beautiful hike!

Fearless - We are wired to react strongly to fear as part of our nature - to keep us safe. But in today's world, we don't have that many real threats but do have TONS of exposure to scary things thanks to the Internet and the news so we have the fear centers of our brains lighting up ALL the time and that isn't so good for us (perhaps this is why there's so much anxiety in today's world? And this is certainly why our children don't have the freedom they need to develop properly...). Does fear really help us? (Story of a woman who actually cannot feel fear at all and how that affects her.) Can we get rid of certain fears through deeper understanding of whatever we're afraid of?

The Secret History of Thoughts - Do our thoughts really matter? When we have crazy thoughts, does that pretty much always mean there's some underlying issue in our past that needs to be resolved? (this would be Freud's theory) Or are some thoughts just dumb random things that pop into our heads and that we should learn to ignore? (a newer theory on thoughts that's become popular). Super interesting story about a kid who was assumed to be a vegetable for many many years but who was actually totally aware of everything going on but had no way to indicate to his parents or others around him that he was "in there." He had to live entirely alone in his own thoughts for many years - how he made that work...

I listened to this while running today - it put into words many of my own thoughts about how religion and science can work hand in hand:
A Climate for Change

Also, I've been reading the scriptures in a deeper and more meaningful way than I have in years (I've got this challenge going on with my mom and sisters where we're all trying to make sure we do serious sit-down scripture study for at least 20 minutes a day, at least 6 days a week. I have to admit I haven't been as consistent and thorough with this as I want to be but I'm working on it and I'm doing a lot more scripture study that I was before this challenge started so even if it's not 20 minutes 6 days a week, it's 10-15 minutes pretty much every day and 20 minutes more and more days...). I've found that my days go SO much better when I take some time for personal scripture study and reflection on how I can apply what I'm reading to my life. I'm following the New Testament reading guide for Sunday School this year - I just love the New Testament so much and Paul is one super interesting guy (we're in Acts right now). Once you get into it, the stories are compelling and there is so much to think about and learn.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about how my life is just too jam-packed and about how totally tired I am so much of the time. I've been feeling totally overwhelmed - and totally unsure about what to do about that. Everything I'm doing seems pretty necessary - and/or it feels even more overwhelming to figure out how to get out of doing any of the things I'm doing. I know that everything will feel more manageable if I do a better job protecting my sleep so I'll start with working on that. Getting up at 6:30 every morning now that school is back in session has been brutal when it's so hard to get to bed at a decent hour (our evenings are just so darn packed!). And I naively thought that once the kids were back in school, I'd be able to get my feet back under me as far as all the Power of Moms and Joy School work that piled up while I was trying to minimize my time on the computer in the summer. Every day since school starts, it seems like there's been something that I need to do that doesn't allow me the blocks of time I need to get stuff done while the kids are at school. There have been dr appointments for sports physicals and immunizations, there have been meetings, and I've needed to help Ashton manage his time since he didn't start school when the other kids did plus he needed rides home from football practice and we had apointments at his school to get him situated in the exciting and scary new world of high school....

Anyway, I'll let you know how this goes. But send some positive thoughts my way as I try to figure out how to get my life going at a more manageable pace!

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Budget Travel Tips (you can make it happen if you really want to!)


I've had a lot of people ask me about how we manage to travel a lot on a tight budget with a bunch of kids. Here are some answers to commonly asked questions:

I was lucky enough to be raised by parents who wanted to raise "citizens of the world." They taught us to value and embrace diversity, to realize that "different is interesting and good," to understand and love the nature and art and culture of our home and every place we visited, and to seek after truth and beauty in every situation.

While we can bring the whole world into our home through the Internet and great books and documentaries these days and that is a huge blessing, there's still nothing like actually experiencing things first-hand. A big part of who I am comes from the travels I was lucky enough to experience with my family growing up so naturally, I want some of that for my own children. And I never feel more alive and more "on" as a mother than I do when I'm traveling with my children.

I love seeing the kids' excitement mirror my own as we explore new places together!

For many years, we realized we needed to be content with very inexpensive roadtrips - sometimes in Utah, sometimes stretching to California, often in conjunction with family weddings or reunions (our budget was super-limited with employment ups and downs for quite some time - but we literally lived on rice and beans in order to protect some money for travel that was important to our families and to us. Plus we pretty much always drink only water in our family - which saves us at least a dollar a day over families who drink juice and soda and milk a lot more - that $365/year we might otherwise spend on drinks goes a long way towards family travel when we do it on the cheap!).

Then we were so excited when we were able to do a big cross-country road trip a few years back, funded by the Power of Moms Retreats I put on along the way. We paid like $65/night for hotels thanks to Express Deals on Priceline and stayed with friends and family many nights. We stopped at grocery stores and ate out of the cooler in our car and stretched the $100 gift certificate Subway gave us when we asked them to sponsor our trip as far as we could (everyone paired up to share $5 footlongs, drank water, no chips, no cookies...). We did fabulous free things in every city we visited and spent no more money on food than we would have if we'd been eating at home. And our inexpensive hotel costs and gas costs were covered by what we brought in from our Power of Moms Retreats.

Once our employment situation became a bit more stable, we started putting aside money every month towards a hoped-for Europe trip and while it was a big stretch, we felt like we were close to making a trip work for this spring or summer. Bulgaria and Italy were first on our list since Jared and I served missions there long ago and since the kids have been raising money to help orphanages in Bulgaria for many years now and I've been involved in a non-profit that works with Bulgarian orphanages for 10 years now and needed to do some fact-finding and training at the orphanages. But England and France were right behind (I grew up in England for 4 years, most of my and Jared's ancestors are from there, my little sister is moving there soon, I have a couple dear friends there, and for France -  I learned French in school and travelled there a lot when I was growing up in England - fell in love with the countryside and castles and Paris and all that). Plus my brother lives in Switzerland now and Jared and I both have Swiss ancestry. And my other brother was moving to Spain. So there were SO many places we really wanted to visit in Europe for many reasons.


We tried to figure out how to maximize getting miles from credit cards but that proved to be too complex for various reasons (we couldn't figure out how to get enough miles to get us all on the same flights and we realized we'd need a lot more lead time and would need to put a lot more on credit cards to make it work - just too complicated in the end...).

Then we realized we could get a small grant to help with a portion of our airfare expense in going to Bulgaria since we'd be doing a lot of work, training and infrastructure-building in orphanges (as I've been working for 10 years with One Heart Bulgaria, fundraising and serving on their Board for part of the time, it was really time for me to get back to Bulgaria and do some assessment and training and research). After MANY hours of researching airfares on the internet, we were able to find some decent deals that could make our dreamed-of trip to Europe this past summer actually happen. When we were trying to actually book the best-deal plane tickets that we'd been able to find after weeks of searching, the website we were on froze up so we called their customer service line and to book on the phone. After going through each flight number on the itinerary that we'd pieced together so carefully, the agent quoted us a price that was almost $800 cheaper than what we'd been just about to pay when booking on the website. We went over it again and again and confirmed that everything was correct and yep, that lower price was correct. What a wonderful blessing to pay less than we thought we were going to have to pay!

At the SLC airport - headed out on our adventure

During our 12-hour layover in Paris that was supposed to be 2 hours.
Mechanical difficulties. Wish we'd known we'd be stuck so long and we'd have
figured out how to to explore a bit of Paris! But they told us we had to stay close...


We rented a car in Bulgaria for the week we were there. We shopped around a lot on the internet and finally found a car for $350 for the week. It was a 7-seater but had NO luggage room so we had the twins sit on some bags as booster seats and put other bags on our laps and under our feet (glad we didn't bring much luggage!). It worked out OK since we seldom had to travel with our luggage as we were mostly doing day trips around the country. But we learned that what the rental companies call a "mini-van that seats 7" isn't at all the same as what we'd call a mini-van here in the US.

Our car in Bulgaria (no luggage space but 7 seats!)
In Italy, the best price we could find for a vehicle that would seat us all for the 10 days we'd be there was $450. Initially, the keys the rental car place gave us were for a car similar to the one we'd had in Bulgaria. We asked if they had anything bigger and they gave us a full-size van for the same price. It was huge - a nine-seater with tons of luggage space. I was worried we wouldn't fit through all those tiny streets and  that it would be hard to park but Jared was sure it would be OK and thanks to his excellent driving skills - it was! (We did have to fold in the rear view mirrors on the sides to get through some extra narrow streets...)

Our Fiat Scudo in Italy
We chose to stay in places where there would be free/cheap parking for the van. We lucked out to find good, free street parking (probably not the norm) and ended up only paying for parking when we were in Sienna for a few hours (like $2/hour maybe?) and when we left it at the train station in La Spezia (I think $2/hour also?) to take the train to the Cinque Terre towns (quick train ride to the first town, then we hiked from town to town and took the train back to La Spezia at the end).

Train ride through the Cinque Terre (wish you could see how brillant blue that water was!)

When we weren't driving from one city to another, we parked our car near our apartment and walked pretty much everywhere. You see so much more when you walk! And we've got some good walkers. We put 84 miles on our feet over the 17 days we were gone. We took the subway in Rome one time but really, Rome is very walkable. We walked everywhere in Florence. We walked all over Sofia and Plovdiv. We found so many great things and soaked in the culture and sites so much by walking everywhere (plus it was free!).

Walking along the Arno in Florence - love that Ponte Vecchio!


We booked apartments to stay at throughout our stay in Bulgaria and Italy. We had help from a generous supporter of the charity we were working with in Bulgaria while we were there and he paid the $55/night that the apartment there cost (and we just paid for a couple nights at a cheap hotel in another city we visited). In Italy, we found some great apartments that slept 7 for an average of $100/night. So all in all, we paid about $1000 for lodging during our 2.5 week trip.

The very Italian house we stayed at near the coast 

the view from our apartment in Florence


We spent only slightly more money on food than we normally spend at home because we bought food at grocery stores to eat breakfasts and some dinners at the apartments where we stayed and we packed along bread and cheese and cucumbers and carrots to eat for lunch while we were out and about.

picnic of cheese and bread on the street
We ate at a few restaurants in Bulgaria since everything was half as expensive there as it is in the US (so nice to go to a restaurant and tell the kids they could order anything they wanted! Usually we're giving them a low dollar figure on what they can order or telling them then need to pair up and order something together if there isn't a cheap kids' menu).

But we also ate at the apartment we were staying at quite a bit. Shopping at local stores and trying local foods is a great way to really experience the culture - and it's sure a lot cheaper than eating out! Here are the kids enjoying some traditional Bulgarian cheese called sirene, excellent tomatoes and this red pepper spread called lutenitza on delicious Bulgarian bread.

We loved shopping at the very open market where I shopped as a missionary - Crasno Selo.

the bread in Bulgaria and Italy is SO GOOD!

I told these guys that this brown stuff was chocolate milk, It wasn't. It was actually a very popular Bulgairan drink made of fermented yeast or something like that called boza. Nasty! But fun to watch their faces as they tried it!

We saved a lot by eating breakfast and dinner at our rented apartments -
here's some fresh pasta and salad we had one night in Florence.
In Italy, we thoroughly enjoyed inexpensive street pizza (about $4-5 for a big slice) and lots of great gelato ($3/day per person to get a big bowl or cone each). We splurged for dinner at one of the Cinque Terre towns after a full day of hiking and it was probably an average of $14/person for fresh pasta and seafood. Jared and I went out one night on our own and spent about $20 each on a really authentic and delicious Italian meal at a great place our Airbnb host recommended.

Here are a few shots of some gelato moments - makes my mouth water just looking at it!

Gelato in Genova
Gelato in Sienna

Gelato in Florence (joint wine/gelato place)

Almost everything we did was free or close to free - hiking the Cinque Terre cost a small fee per family for the hiking pass and about $3/person for the train, going to the Colosseum and Roman Forum was $15/person but free for kids under 18 so the whole family went for about $30, gorgeous and fabulously interesting churches and cathedrals were all free except for the very biggest ones. We paid to go into the Uffizzi Gallery which was not super cheap but it was the one museum we did. We paid to get into a castle in Bulgaria which cost $10 for a family ticket.

Here we are at the castle in Bulgaria:

And here we are at a few of the 50 or so churches (free) that we visited in Bulgaria and Italy (There's so much beautiful art and so much culture and history to experience in churches!)

yes. wrestling is always necessary somehow...
My favorite church in Bulgaria - Alexander Dnevski. Got to sit in on a
Bulgarian Orthadox service there - so interesting.
The Sienna Cathedral charged a small price for admission for older kids and adults
(a few of the most amazing cathedrals do) but it was SO worth it!
There's a lovely church like this around every corner.
The kids were interested to note that it seemed that the more plain the church
was on the outside, the more elaborate it was on the inside.
And vice versa.

High baroque church in Genova

Bulgarian Orthodox Church in Sofia, Bulgaria

Bulgarian Orthodox church in Old Town Plovdiv in Bulgaria
One of the kids' favorite things we did in Bulgaria was to explore some old communist-era block apartment buildings where I served much of my mission. They were delighted to ride in the rickety old elevators and it was super exciting when we found that we could get onto the roof of one of the buildings where we had an awesome view of the whole area. Totally free.

Roman Amphitheater in Old Town Plovdiv in Bulgaria ($10 for a family ticket)

Here are some shots of our epic (and mostly free) day-long hike through vineyards and olive groves and amazingly beautiful towns in the Cinque Terre:

Here we are at a couple gorgeous off-the-beaten track hill towns in Tuscany. Wandering is so fun - and totally free!:

Driving over and hiking through the Apuan Alps was so beautiful - and so un-touristy. The marble quarries were really interesting and the vistas were breathtaking (as was the tiny windy road!).

Loved entering these gates of Genova and exploring the tiny twisty streets of the old city
The kids just had to see the leaning tower of Pisa. And it did not disappoint.

We listened to great Rick Steves audio tours of various areas in Florence and Rome (free - just downloaded them when we had wifi at the places we were staying and then listened later when we were at our destination).

Palazzo Vecchio in Florence
Climbing to the top of the Palazzo Vecchio cost like $3 per person but was worth it!

The Colloseum was SO cool. And so worth the $30 we paid ($15 each for adults and kids under 15 are free)

Magical night-time walk through Rome - awed by the Pantheon

Maybe our favorite night was when we wandered through Florence late at night, watching excellent street musicians, then came around the corner to see the Duomo all lit up - priceless.

We love street performers - some amazing talent and it's free (but we always give the a couple dollars). And in this photo below, you can see that if you're out and about and it suddenly gets really cold, a plastic bag makes a pretty good little jacket...

I have such fond memories of going to the Uffizzi Gallery in Florence when I was on study abroad in college - loved sharing some of my favorite art with the kids. It was expensive (I think like $15/person which adds up when you've got 7) but I think every trip needs one or two splurges for something you really value. And with the help of the Rick Steves free audio guide to the Uffizzi, we were able to go right to some of the most interesting stuff and not drag it out and make the kids dislike it.

We decided against going to the Vatican Museum and Sistine Chapel in Rome. The line was 4 hours long and it was expensive and there were SO many other wonderful free things to see in Rome. We did wait for about an hour to get into St Peters in the Vatican - great to see that crazy huge opulent place with the kids and enjoy the amazing art and architecture there while learning more about the Catholic church.

The twins' big souvenir purchase (the kids all brought their own souvenir money that they'd earned) were these Roman soldier and gladiator costumes. They had to put them right on and got a lot of smiles as they walked around Rome in these get-ups. They're all set with Halloween costumes now!


When we travel, we pack light and that makes a big difference in how burdensome traveling can feel!

I shared my best tips for packing in this post - these tips work for road trips or trips around the world:

I read the post above and expanded on the ideas there in this podcast that went up on Power of Moms this week:
Radio Show: Road Trip Tips

In a nutshell, we just don't bring much when we travel and we lower our standards about what constitutes "clean" clothes. We wear socks again if they aren't that dirty or stinky. We wear shirts and pants again if they don't smell and spot clean small spills (plus we pack darker colored/patterned things that won't look dirty as quickly). We try to stay at places with laundry facilities so we can wash stuff when needed. Also, we try to find shoes that are good for walking and that look decent with all our outfits so that we don't have to bring more than one pair of shoes plus maybe some flip flops. Shoes take up the most space! And we don't bring books - just a kindle or books loaded on our phones. We always bring a hoodie/light jacket for each person and bring a few raincoats/ponchos - take so little room and often come in handy!


Travelling to places that your heart yearns to go is something just about any family can do if they make up their minds to do it.

Yes. There are trade-offs. You can't really have it all (at least most people can't). But you can prioritize in a way that makes room in your budget for the things that you feel are most important for your family.

We keep Christmas and birthdays small (up to maybe $50 for birthday presents and maybe $50 for a birthday party every other year and our Santa has a $100 limit). Our clothing budget is small (the fact that the kids wear uniforms to school and that none of them are into brand names and that I really hate dislike shopping helps). We're OK with sort-of-worn furnishings (we like antiques and they're supposed to be a little dinged-up, right?) and basic cars (in fact, the one time I had a new car, it just stressed me out - every little ding or spill was so painful!). We seldom spend money on entertainment (family movie night and family game night and hikes and bike rides are our favorites - all pretty much free. Plus we live in a place where there are always so many awesome free events that we can walk to - downtown Ogden never disappoints!).

We've chosen to prioritize travel above many other things. We have so many precious memories from family trips and we've got a bucket list of family trips to work through on into the future. Maybe we'll make it to India and Africa (a couple of our bucket list places) but maybe we won't be able to afford that (it's just the airfare that's so expensive - everything else is pretty darn cheap in the 3rd world...). I feel quite sure that we'll make it to places that don't cost so much to get to like Mexico and Montreal and Chinatown in San Francisco and other awesome places where we can experience different cultures and languages more fully and build the kinds of special memories that come from stretching and growing as you navigate new places and experiences together as a family. 


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